As the title states, what you are about to embark on needs to be considered with extreme caution because your actions will be used against you...so if you feel that you can continue reading the below raw, real, reguritation feel free. However, I need a plethora of grace, love, mercy, and prayers!! Yes, what you are about to embark on is an extreme pity party!!!! So if there is a slight chance that your opinion of me might change STOP do not proceed. Remember you were warned! I thank you!!!
So I thought it was best to blog now rather than later. Too many times I wait and get logical, less emotional etc. However, with my recent concussion it is best to start now, to help with details and for therapeutic reasons, too.
We had our appointment, I was given more paperwork to fill out while they were giving Grace Marie some of their congnitive/IQ testing. they were finished in less than 15 minutes and I was not even 25% finished with my paperwork. Of, course, I forgot to bring my binder in and failed to take notes as they were going over the results with me. Basically, she scored average or a little below average.
Thankfully, they are continuing to proceed with me to try to get some eligibility. Our next appointment is on Thursday, September 16th. Yes, more evaluations and waiting.
I am just so exhausted, frustrated and impatient!!! It is so backwards and a frustation or pet peeve that I have seen time and time again. No help, benefits or breaks for the mild to moderate cases. I especially feel that we are being penalized for the advancements/progress that we have made. This is so incredibly difficult, especially financially. Grace Marie will need just physical therapy at least for her entire life, not to mention any braces, surgeries and what not.
I so appreciate the help that they have and hopefullly will continue to give us. I honestly feel that the desire is there and they can only do what they can do. But I am literally at the end of my rope! God I need a break, please throw me another bone that I can chew on for a good six months, a nice big and juicy one!!!
Yes, my head is just killing me! I must have over done it this weekend, but I promise I did nothing but mild activity. I have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow at 10:45 a.m. Please pray that this doc will want to really get into the meat of things, regarding the concussion, what to expect, time table to increase activity, something to help with my dizziness, confusion, headaches, tinnitus and nausea. Yes, this is probably why I am having such a pity party!!! We so love Grace Marie and will continue to do anything for her. However, it is very hard to take time for ourselves and our marriage. It is so frustating that there is no expendable income, we have the lowest cable and phone service possible but I still feel guilty about trying to plan a short getaway with my husband. We have not had a trip alone in over six years now.Yes, logically, I know we should do it but at what financial cost!!!! Ugh!!
My mother has been so incredible at helping us. She watches the girls when I have appointments, and has them over for sleepovers. I know she has helped us to continue to have an incredible and happy marriage, we cannot thank her enough, ever.
I just feel that I have no faith which is ridiculous isn't it. It should be so easy and mature to have faith. While driving when leaving the appointment, I kept thinking of the apostles and Jesus in the boat. How they were all freaking out about the storm. I thought I am losing my drive and faith over this! I cannot imagine if I was in their position. But then I started to think, each person handles things differently. I tend to excel at BIG ISSUES and just get so overwhelmed at what are considered minor things.
The littles can produce a BIG WOW or a BIG BANG. Well, I am done, hope it wasn't too painful, because I feel much better!!! As always thank you so much for following and praying, we all need it!!!
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